please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
