NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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