i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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