He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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