I puked a lego.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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