my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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