I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
