Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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