Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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