She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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