oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
