My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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