They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
