my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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