Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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