Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
