so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
