We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Success! We fucked roommates!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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