Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
