after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
