If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
