I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
