I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
