i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
