so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
