I'm gonna have a badass scar
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
