Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
