Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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