Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
