Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The best revenge is premature balding
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
