i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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