Me too!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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