I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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