FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
