Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
