so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
