the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
