I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
