you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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