Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
