that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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