well I can't set my house on fire every night
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
