I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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