6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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