Dude my mom stole all your condoms
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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