Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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