my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
