Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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