ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Houston, we have a squirter
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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