I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
