Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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