ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize