I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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