Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize