Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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