She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
