im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
