I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
