yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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