yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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