I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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