My underwear smells like fireworks.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
